Wheelin It 2011-12: Stuff to talk about

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Stuff to talk about

Stuff #1-Daytona 500
Took forever to get started and finally did on Monday night.That was the weather's fault.The actual racing was boring.everyone just drove around trying to avoid the big one all day.Greg Biffle had the fastest car all day but at the end of the race he had no balls.I'm not a JR fan but the guy gave it all he had and tried his best to win it,not like Biffle who was quoted saying I'm happy with my third place finish.
SHOW ME A MAN THAT IS HAPPY WITH THIRD PLACE AND I'L SHOW YOU A LOSER

Stuff #2
My face is falling off.Been down here 3 months and no peeling.All of a sudden my face is peeling.
Maybe it's a good thing cause Peggy says I need a new one anyway

Stuff #3
I think Peggy is trying to get rid of me.
I have had a bad cold for a week and for 7 days in a row she has made me go out and party.Not a good way to get rid of a cold.Not only that,I picked up some cold pills which I am supposed to take 2 every 8 hours and Peggy is telling me to take 8 every 2 hours.
Hmmmmm

Stuff #4
On Tuesday our friends from Ontario Jacquie and Yvon,who are staying in Recon de Guayabitos for 6 months and they caught a bus down here to visit us for a couple of days.

We of course introduced them to the Huanacaxtle bar.

After that we took them to Philo's

This is the results.

Once again a good time was had by all.

I gost to get me

some rest

Stuff #5-Their second day here we met up with the Troubles and after visiting the Huanacaxtle,we chugged on over to Tacos on the Street.

Well! This was our first time there but not our last.You bring your own booze and the Tacos are fantastic and cheap. Best Tacos we've had in Mexico and almost free.

As Arnie would say...I'll be back

Still need rest.Getting to old for this shit everyday.

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Elderly Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

The Vibrator

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip ,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
son-in-law.'

A Quickie in the Bushes

There are two statues in a park;
One of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the
shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you
care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.

This time, I 'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'

" Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual

Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only

The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said

Softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming

Or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then

Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,

Her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,

"What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Speaking of Lakes

Rod had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father,grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.

On that special day they had all walked across the lake to the bar on the other side for their first legal drink.

So when Rod's 21st birthday arrived he and his pal Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake and Rod stepped out of the boat---and nearly drowned.Bob had manage to pull him to safety just in time.

Rod was furious and totally confused so off he went to see his grandmother.

"Grandma" he asked,"It's my 21st birthday,so why can't I walk across the lake like my pappy and his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into his little dull and troubled eyes and said"Because they were all born in January,when the lake is frozen,and you were born in July,you dumbass.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Stuff to talk about

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